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relationship / Saturday, February 7, 2015

i always find having a conversation with a guy is hard mostly because i am shy and for some reason i always stutters when i talk to guys and when that happens it cause misunderstandings because they will think i like them when in reality i am just that awkward 

but i talk to guys im comfortable with if i dont talk to you theres two reasons only, one i know i will develop feelings for you if i continue talking to you so to avoid that i just dont talk to you at all first because i dont want to get hurt, you probably are thinking im selfish but darling everyone is, okay? second because i am not suppose to be in a relationship now even though im at the stage where i want someone to fill my emptiness, two its because i dont like you i have this power of detecting 'not nice and always tell lies' people so good luck in figuring out which category you are in 

i am not qualified enough to be in relationship because i know i am not serious and not matured enough and i can lose focus trying to be sure of what i want to do for me to survive in the future if im in a relationship so maybe if that day comes i will find someone but now to be honest my life is a mess so let me just clean it up and then i will be in one and i hope that relationship will end with marriage 
- /} 8:21 PM

family / Friday, January 9, 2015

the thought of having my own family scares me like one day i am going to marry someone and have my own kids though as much as i want to get married im actually not sure myself if i will be ready for it i am going to be 18 this year and really it feels like i was 12 last week but now i am 17 and soon im going to live by my own my parents wont be near me my family wont be near me and i am all alone but if i managed to fit in there will be a possibility that i will survive college and let me tell you i am not good at all in fitting in or adapting myself to new environment it takes time for me to fit in and i really hope i will meet good people because thats all i need in my life; only good people good vibe

i cant picture my future clearly now what do people always say? the future is one uncertainty? nah just kidding i never heard people says that but yes its true though what i want when i was 15 and what i want now is different what i want has changes so really i cant say what i will do when i grow up where i will be in the future i really dont know

but what i do know is that i am hoping for the best well really thats all i can do for now
- /} 9:50 PM

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